Keesness on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/keesness/art/vent-Doubt-GIF-490362793Keesness

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[vent] Doubt - GIF

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so a very sweet person asked me how i was doing,
and made me realize a couple of things
and i can't really come to an answer myself, so i decided to vent it out,
and hopefully talk about it with you all.

remember this piece?
Happy Place - GIF by xQueen
There are two candles blown out.
It is my way of expressing a silent prayer for the two people
i have known that committed suicide this week,
i heard about them both yesterday.
One was an old acquaintance here on dA,
and a teacher on my past school, one i never had myself but my friend did.
I personally find that i know neither good enough to
condoleance, since something inside me just
disagrees with the fact that random strangers express
their grief over the death of a soul they haven't even met.
Because they weren't there when those souls needed them
but suddenly are when they are gone.
So my thoughts went out to them in silence.
Though, one of the suicides seemed to be a fake

And to be honest, it has made quite a mess in my head.

Ofcourse i'm enormously relieved that they did not end it
that, maybe, this is an answered prayer

but on the other hand i'm upset
because the message confirming it was a fake
was so hatefull and accusing and different
from their good bye note that i wonder if there
was any actual intend at all, or that it was just to point fingers
to prove a point
with an incredible drastic measure.

and i can't help but find it disrespectful towards the teacher
who left his family mourning, confused and broken
Like the friends of that acquaintance

so i am unsure whether to be happy or upset
whether to be content like this, that one soul at least made it through the night
or offended
because maybe there wasn't even a struggle
while the other soul was serious

my feverish mind doesn't really help either with thinking the matter out
i just
i don't know.

Please share your opinion,
i want to know with what eyes you look at this matter.

take care
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IWESWTDH's avatar
In the end,
You`re just a person.